Chupi-cabra! AHHHHH!

So you think you've seen the scariest the NYC real estate market has to offer? Then you ain't seen Chupi-cabra of the West Village! Why so scary? Let's just say it isn't blood from a goat that it's sucking...

Something about the duplex and triplex luxury apartments in the Palazzo Chupi, the big pink unit artist/director-turned-architect Julian Schnabel erected on West 11th Street, has potential celebrity buyers such as Bono and Madonna fleeing as if for their very lives (and their children's).

Maybe they feared being bled dry by the Chupi’s thirst for $32 for the triplex apartment on the top floor. Or maybe they anticipated that the building’s lifestyle would eventually cause the pink skin to fade, blister and peel as it recently has. But even after Schnabel hacked the sticker price—twice—to its present $24 million and sought cosmetic treatment for its unsightly skin thing, celebrity buyers still prefer to keep oceans of holy water and antibiotics between themselves and the Chupi.

All but Richard Gere, that is, who paid $12 million for the four-bedroom duplex earlier this year, could see the writing on the scabby walls. But now even Gere is hoping to escape—having listed his apartment for just under $18 million—before he becomes the butt of yet another urban myth.

Curiosity seekers and NYC real estate ghouls, however, are in luck! Curbed.com reports that the doorman of the Chupi is giving tours to anyone off the street who [cue spooky music] dares to enter upon the cursed monstrosity that was once an intended haven for the stars. Very Crypt-Keeper!


Chupi in Crisis [Curbed]
Chupi Goes To Market [NYMag]
Venice On The Hudson [VF]
Image: Chupa Cabre [Wiki]

NYC Real Estate Boom: Damn, That's One Good Looking Corpse!

On October 1, the New York Times effectively pronounced the NYC real estate market boom dead—dead, dead, dead. The exact time of death will certainly be contested as some industry insiders will continue to slam their fists against the market’s bruised chest shouting, “Live, damn you!” whereas others delivered their eulogies months ago. Nevertheless, everyone is hoping the postmortem will reveal answers to more pressing questions, such as:

1. How long will the downturn last?
2. How low will NYC property values fall?
3. What will be the long-term effects on the NYC real estate market?
4. Could a few simple lifestyle changes—including diet and exercise—have prevented this terrible loss?
5. Why did Mary-Kate Olsen's personal bodyguards arrive on the scene before the paramedics?

Of course some of the answers will be revealed with the passage of time, other answers will forever remain in the dead boom’s vacant, glass and steel grave.

Still, if a boom must end, there are some advantages to a demise so spectacular. Like any superstar knocked off its pedestal by the Grim Reaper far too soon, the dead NYC real estate market boom still looks better than the real estate market in most US cities, so there’s the good-looking corpse to be thankful for. Also, the only real difference between a superstar’s life before their death and their life after death is that everyone is much nicer to them afterward, giving them Oscar nods and such, so many industry insiders suspect that the allure of New York City will soon breathe life back into the real estate market, if not wake the dead boom.

Apartment Hunter, Heal Thyself!

Nothing equalizes people like an infectious disease. Even the emotional wounds of a tumultuous love triangle can be soothed when all three scorned and pained lovers take a good look at one another and realize that they all have the same cold sore, just on opposite sides.

Is it too far a stretch, then, to believe that the healing of the ailing New York City real estate market could begin with apartment “buyers, sellers, agents, lenders, and any other stakeholder that has the propensity to allow emotions to enter their decision-making process” admitting to a shared unflattering and unsightly disease?

Realtor Denny Grimes tells Real Estate Radio USA that until all of the players involved in each and every NYC apartment purchase admit to their advanced case of what he calls “expectation-itis”, the real estate market cannot begin to heal. According to Mr. Grimes, "expectation-itis" is an infectious little bug of a mental disorder that’s primary symptom is “wishing things were one way, when in fact, they are not.” Once we get that under control, he says, the market will take care of itself:

“[L]ike water will seek its own level, supply and demand will equalize with some predictability, if the human factor can be minimized. [...] One of the best ways to keep your emotions in check is to keep your expectations in check.”

So how do you know if you're infected and unknowingly spreading expectation-itis to everyone you bump up against in your NYC apartment dealings? Mr. Grimes has a handy checklist of questions with which you can diagnose himself, but it requires you to be brutally honest with your self:

Do you often say, "I don't want to give my home away"?
If yes, then you are a seller who has tested positive for expectation-itis. You believe that you are not getting a fair price for the property you are selling.

Do you believe "today's buyers are bottom feeders"?
If yes, then you are a broker who has tested positive for expectation-itis. You are tired of dealing with buyers who want to pay as little as possible for an apartment and sellers who want to get the highest price possible.

Have you missed out on good property deals because you automatically offered 20% below a very reasonable asking price?
If yes, then you are a buyer who has tested positive for expectation-itis. You believe you should pay less than the asking price no matter how low it is.

Are you waiting for prices to continue to fall before you purchase?
If yes, then you are a "fence-sitting buyer" who has tested positive for perhaps the most grave strain of expectation-itis. You are waiting for NYC apartment prices to fall further, but it might not matter anymore, because financing will be so difficult to come by.

In short, every one walks away from the transaction feeling like a chump, and no one feels more like a chump in NYC's confusing real estate market. So what do you do now? Well don't expect any star-studded telethons or anonymous support groups forming anytime soon. Just be sure you're not looking at that NYC apartment transaction through expectation-colored glasses.



Image: Esophageal Herpes, courtesy of Alex Brollo
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